breakfast & a dress

this dress might not look like much....but on (me at least hahaha)..it's pretty amazing :)  and on sale.  J Crew has an extra 30 off in stores and online...Rea, Auntie LD and I went today.  So fun.  But I left empty handed :)  They really do have a lot of great stuff right now so you should go!

via jcrew

and if you are sick of oatmeal for breakfast (served in a regular manner) make this instead.  I have made this at least 3 times in the past couple months and we really like it...plus if you just have two (solid food consuming) people in your home it lasts for a couple of breakfasts.

baked oatmeal
3 cups rolled oats
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 cup milk
2 tbsp unrefined coconut oil or butter (i like to do one of each)
2 eggs
2 tsp baking powder
salt to taste
dash of vanilla
1/2 cup almond or peanut butter

whip everything together in a bowl, pour into a casserole dish, 9by9 pan, or 11by13 pan.
bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes...25 gives it a nice crisp top.
serve with warm milk drizzled over...and some raspberries!

recipe adapted from allrecipes.com

the last 4 months

why i am thankful today:
it is 74 degrees out (at least according to the messed up thermometer in my car...could be +/- 5 degrees).
it is spring.
my daughter is sleeping sweetly.
i haven't had a clogged milk duct in 7 days.  this is a record for me.  might not sound that big of a deal, but it is to me and my little family.  if you're a guy you might want to stop reading this now...not even sure if guys read my blog but if you do...the rest of this most likely will be TMI for you.

I really don't know if the following story will matter that much to anyone...but even if it helps one present or future mama, it's worth telling.  God gave me the past 4 months for many reasons...hoping one of the reasons is so I can help some other moms.

Before I had my sweet girl, I planned on breastfeeding.  I didn't just plan on it.  I was pumped about it (little did I know how PUMPED I would be one month after her birth hahahah you'll get it in a minute).  My mom is a huge breastfeeding advocate and prenatal nutritionist so I have heard that the breast is the best my entire life.  I wrote persuasive papers on the benefits of breastfeeding for my developmental psych classes in college.  I honestly looked forward to it for years.

Reagan had trouble latching from the beginning.  She fought it, and was very frustrated...so after about 6 sessions with lactation consultants in the hospital, we were given a nipple shield.  It was my mother in law and I's savior as we both didn't sleep at all the first night.  The shield worked great...so we used it.  I was going to ween her at some point...they said I definitely should by 3 months...but I was enjoying the convenience of the shield (even though Reagan was able to occasionally latch without it) and recovering from a 4th degree tear...so I decided to wait.  Dumb.  But now I know.

When Reagan was 5 weeks old I got my first clogged milk duct.  I got it out by drinking tons and tons of water.  Then two days later I got another one.  This one was feisty...it wouldn't unclog.  Two days later I developed a terrible breastfeeding infection called mastitis.  And now my story really begins.  It would take way way too long to tell it all sentence by sentence so I will give you the condensed version in bullets...if you have any questions leave a comment and I will email you with details.

-2 weeks fighting mastitis
-1 week of antibiotics
-Still no progress
-Reinfected with another bout of mastitis
-New antibiotic for 10 days
-Reagan has a nursing strike (most likely due to the infection)
-Gave her a bottle and she took it.  I cried.  But I was crying a lot at this point haha.
-No progress
-Developed an abscess
-Sent to a breast surgeon for surgery
-MIRACLE 1: no need for actual surgery
-New antibiotic for 3 weeks
-8 visits to the breast surgeon
-7 aspiration procedures
-Abscess gone and beginning to heal after 4 weeks of infection
-Pumping exclusively to avoid clogged ducts and promote healing to abscessed area.
-Reagan drinking breast milk from bottles full time.
-Then I started getting clogged ducts (what causes mastitis if they get infected)
-MIRACLE 2: successfully unclogged 30+clogged ducts over the past 2 months...many weeks I had at least one a day
-never another sign of mastitis
-not completely sure why i had so many clogged ducts (could be linked to too much yeast in body from all the antibiotics)
-Sadly, Reagan still can't latch on.  trying occasionally.
-Pumping every 2-3 hours every day, once during the night when reagan wakes
-MIRACLE 3:  Reagan is 4.5 months old and still exclusively drinks breastmilk, is completely healthy and happy.
-MIRACLE 4:  I started pumping a little more often this week to up my milk supply...all of a sudden my clogged ducts are gone.  So if you ever struggle with them...try pumping more!  I was pumping ever 3 hours but that might have not been enough for my body.  I tried EVERY other natural remedy out there.  Too many things to list...go to kelly mom if you want to see every thing I tried.
-MIRACLE 5?!?!?:  Reagan will latch on again.  My daughter is amazing.  I think she can do it.

So that's where I am today.  The infection and abscess was physically very painful..almost worse then my natural drug free child birth...not joking.  But the hardest part was that it was a mental battle for me.  A battle to not lose it, give up, and freak out.  A battle to not care that I was giving my daughter a bottle (sounds dumb but this was a pride thing for me).  A battle to not compare myself to other mom's who have it "so easy" after they have a baby (even though it's never really so easy).  A battle to not depend on myself...but depend on God.  Because HE is who healed me and gave me every bit of grace to get through this.

So to every woman who wants to breastfeed or has...I respect you.  Nobody tells you it's going to be hard.  And hopefully, it wasn't or won't be for you.  But even if it is.  I think it's worth it.

God is so, so, good to me.

I would like to thank every person who has prayed for me especially my amazing Mom, my incredible Mother in law, and my sweet faithful Nana.  These three have prayed for me more hours than they could count and encouraged me by phone or text every single day.  Without them I would have given up.

And then there is JD...the greatest man on earth.  He has never asked me to stop, or made me consider giving up my (our) dream to give Reagan breast milk.  He is so humble and such a servant.  He has sacrificed hours and hours of studying to care for me and our daughter.  I can never thank him enough.

i love her.

we like to hang out.  all day.  every day.

4 months (almost)

twins.

doing the model pose--a must for all dunhams.

playing bounce on the couch with dad.

such a sweetie.

dinner = success

it was soooo good.  you must try.

i added mushrooms & doubled the recipe.

oh hey there!!!

what's for dinner - vodka pasta

·         1 pound uncooked penne pasta

·         1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil

·         4 cloves garlic, minced

·         1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

·         1 (28 ounce) can crushed tomatoes

·         3/4 teaspoon salt

·         2 tablespoons vodka

·         1/2 cup heavy whipping cream

·         1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley

·         2 (3.5 ounce) links sweet Italian sausage

1.     Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente; drain.

2.     In large skillet, heat oil over moderate heat. Remove casing from sausage and add to skillet. Cook, breaking up the meat, until brown. Add garlic and red pepper and cook, stirring until garlic is golden brown.

3.     Add tomatoes and salt; bring to boil. Reduce heat and simmer 15 minutes.

4.     Add vodka and cream and bring to boil. Reduce heat to low and add pasta, toss for 1 minute. Stir in fresh parsley and serve!  via allrecipes.com

I am going to use whole wheat penne.  My friend EW who I get to see in ONE WEEK gave me this recipe.  She had her son 6 weeks after I had Rea.  They have been in an arranged relationship since before conception...my Senior year of college to be exact :)  We even knew what their names were then!

now i'm off to eat a almond butter strawberry jam sandwich, my latest favorite.

i'll let you know how dinner turns out :)

super bars.

the perfect, healthy, snack that JD and I can't get enough of...full of protein, omega 3's, coconut oil and fiber.  Plus they are EASY...I can make them with Reagan in one arm ;)

2 cups almond meal (or almonds ground up in a food processor)

1/4 cup flax meal/ground flax seeds

1/2 cup dried cranberries or apricots

1/2 cup shredded coconut

1/2 cup almond butter

1/2 cup melted coconut oil (unrefined)

1-2 T honey

2-3 t vanilla

a few squares of white chocolate or 1/2 bag white chocolate chips

Blend all dry ingredients plus almond butter together in a food processor if you are using whole almonds/flax seed.  If you have almond meal and flax meal you can blend together in a bowl.  In a saucepan melt coconut oil over lowest heat until it looks clear with no lumps.  Remove oil from stove and stir in honey and vanilla.  Add the liquid to the other blended ingredients.  Press into a square pan...it should be a thick gooey paste...almost like a cookie dough consistency.  

Chill in fridge for an hour.  Melt chocolate and drizzle or spread over chilled bars.  Return to the fridge for another 30 minutes.. Cut into bars and ENJOY!!!  Keep in fridge or freeze.

For this batch I used dark and white chocolate because I only had a little bit of each.  I also didn't have any coconut because I used it up in the last batch.  They were still amazing.  Sometime I am going to use natural peanut butter instead of almond butter and another type of seed...maybe chia?  Super flexible recipe.